Fattylympics Events: Twirling

This is what we'll be doing on the day.

Twirling
Proposed by Cheap and Porky

Cheap and Porky will perform a choreographed ribbon gymnastic routine to a piece of music lasting three minutes and four seconds for the delight of the Fattylympics attendees.

After this, the pair will open the floor to some freestyle ribbon action for all to enjoy.

Cheap and Porky will provide ribbons for those inspired to join in. Should you wish to start practicing throwing your own shapes, the freestyle music will be 'Loving You’s a Dirty Job’ performed by Bonnie Tyler and Todd Rundgren, weighing in at a hefty seven minutes, forty-sex seconds.

Fattylympics Events: Spitting on the BMI

This is what we'll be doing on the day

Spitting on the BMI
Proposed by Charlotte

BMI stands for Body Mass Index. It is a sum that enables you to sort of work out how much space someone's body takes up in the world, but it tells you nothing about people's health behaviours. It reduces the wild complexity of how people experience and live in their bodies to a number. Only a few numbers are good numbers. The BMI chart originated in the insurance industry and is now a standard tool in health and weight loss industries for berating people of all sizes.

In the Fattylympics event 'Spitting on the BMI' everyone will be encouraged to spit on a lovely big 'scientific' copy of the BMI chart.

We acknowledge that spitting is not very nice, and we will make sure that the spitting takes place in an area where it will not upset other people in the park. We will be looking for people who spit with style and gusto. At the end of the event, handlers in rubber gloves will carefully place the spitty BMI chart in a bin bag and dispose of it. Spitters and onlookers will be encouraged to think of the spitty BMI chart every time they are coerced onto a set of scales, or subjected to inescapable diet talk.

Fattylympics Events: Rolling with Roland

This is what we will be doing on the day

Rolling with Roland
Proposed by Kay

Our guest of honour, Erkan Mustafa, also known as the actor who portrayed iconic TV fat kid Roland Browning, will get the event underway.

In Rolling with Roland, participants will make their way up the gently landscaped roof of Grassroots and roll downwards. We will check the ground beforehand for poo and litter, and it will be removed and the ground neutralised and made nice. There may or may not be different rounds for extravagant rolling, slow rolling, backwards rolling and freestyle rolling.

That's it.

This is where we'll be rolling

Fattylympics Events: Spin-Off

Following fierce competition, we are delighted to announce the events that got through the proposal round for the Fattylympics. Yes folks, this is what we'll be doing on the day.

Spin Off
Proposed by Simon

This event concerns the rotation of the body by any available means (feet, wheels etc), to provoke a measurable range of dizzy states and an awareness of their effects.

Participants will wear specially-constructed Spinning Hats and will spin to the beat of a metronome in three rounds, getting faster each time. Much cheering and yells of "Faster! Faster!" are encouraged.

Upon completion of the spin a Dizz-o-Meter will be produced, upon which participants will measure the depth of their dizziness.

A quiet place to sit down, and a bucket in case of 'upsets' will be provided for participants.

Meet the Fattylympian: Lauren

Here's Lauren in the super-fab Vol.Up.2 mag
by Velvet d'Amour

Who are you?
I am Lauren, a 28 year old unemployed bum from Essex.

What does the Fattylympics mean to you?
It means fun, community and a place where I can feel safe and comfortable from ridicule - a welcome respite in this Olympian, 200,000 Drs against obesity, Biggest Loser culture I find myself in.

What's the best thing you can do with your body?
I've never been someone who can do party tricks, I'm not double-jointed anywhere which has always made me quite sad. But I suppose as a living, breathing thing, that my body can keep me alive and allow me to go out into the world is a great thing.

Who would you most like to invite to the Fattylympics, and why?
My initial response was someone notoriously fat hating, like Jamie Oliver, or Dr Christian - but why should they be invited to an event that they will only sneer at? I would like to invite all the wonderful fatties who would feel better about themselves and life by attending Fattylympics.

Egg or Spoon?
Spoon! I don't like eggs, unless they're a) chocolate or b) in chocolate cake

What else would you like to say?
I have a blog that talks about fatty fashion, Pocket Rocket (www.pocketrocketfashion.com). It's frivolous but fun (I hope!) and really just that I'm so excited for the event, I can't wait!

Are you a Fattylympian? Wanna be featured here? Get in touch: beefergrrl@hotmail.com

Warm-up with some Chub-Robics!

The Fattylympics will get underway on Saturday 7 July with stalls, performances and general hanging-out. Keep your eyes peeled for this:

Chub-Robics!

Join Vivacious von Vixen (pictured, left) in a vitalising warm-up for the Fattylympics opening ceremony!

With tongue planted firmly in cheek, Vivacious will lead an exercise routine like no other to get you pumped and limber for the day’s delights.

Stretch that satirical smirk and push your funny bone to the limit with moves carefully designed to flaunt the flab, laud your lard and applaud the ample-bodied.

Vivacious will provide just the exuberant encouragement you need and have you shedding your inhibitions and building body-positivity from the very first session. Including a range of accessible moves to accommodate all abilities, this pork-out will have even the sveltest of spectators shakin' and groovin'. Whether well-upholstered or blessed with the most petite of paunches, these moves will flatter any figure and praise physiques of all proportions.

Guaranteed to expand your sense of humour by at least two dress sizes.*

Join us around midday on 7 July to start working your wobble and realise your portly potential!

*Hyperbolic claims only verified when taken in combination with a pinch of salt.

Meet the Fattylympian: Billiard Savage

Who are you?
I am Billiard Savage!

What does the Fattylympics mean to you?
Refusing to play along by playing differently. Recognising the intersections between fat, class, race, gender and sexuality and how the You Know Whats are being/have been used to regulate all those things in various combinations. Doing something fun and absurd. Making your own culture.

What's the best thing you can do with your body?
An impersonation of an egg in a shirt and tie.

Who would you most like to invite to the Fattylympics, and why?
I would like to invite two other majestically egg-shaped people: Alfred Hitchcock and Wyatt Riot. I reckon they’d have a good time.

Egg or Spoon?
Egg, obviously.

What else would you like to say?
Greetings to Fattylympians everywhere!

Are you a Fattylympian? Wanna be featured here? Get in touch: beefergrrl@hotmail.com